8 Steps to take the Pressure out of Dying



The Beatles were very much a part of the 60s generation.  I remember a classmate going to the Empire Stadium in Vancouver, Canada to see them perform.  She came home with a souvenir; a broken drumstick from Ringo Star.  She had more than memories!

I was at a dance last night supporting the local Alzheimer’s Society and it made me realize once more how short and precious life can be, especially our memories.  When we hit our 60s it’s important, if we haven’t already done so, to get our affairs in order.  It’s unfair to leave our children to clean up issues after we’ve gone.  I know this is an upsetting topic for many but it’s inevitable we will die one day. If I end up with a terminal illness how do I want to spend the last few months, weeks, or days of my life? Preparing for my death also addresses what my wishes are.

Write a Will and have it notarized.  If you don’t have a Will, the courts may decide how to divide your property at great expense.

Decide who gets what.  Many of us have heirlooms we want to remain in the family.  Make a list of them and pass it around the family and have them put their names beside items they like.  You can then make sure they have at least one item they want. 

Write a Living Will. This will let your doctor and family know that you don’t want to be kept alive by artificial means after brain function has ceased or the heart has quit beating. It can be a free downloadable form from the Internet but needs to be witnessed by two non-related people. Give a copy to your doctor and copies to your children, preferably while you are still healthy and can discuss the issue without any pressure.

Become an organ donor.  If this is something you want to do, check with your government to see what you have to have in place.  You will have to have a family member appointed to make the final decision when it becomes necessary otherwise it could be overturned.

Appoint a Power of Attorney.  A Power of Attorney is the person who you want to look after your affairs should you be unable to do so. If there is nothing in place, and you are deemed unfit to look after your affairs by a team of doctors, the government gets to take over and spend your money!

Decide where you want to die.  If you end up dealing with a terminal illness, where do you want to die? In the old days it was common to die at home. In the last few decades, people were automatically shipped off to the hospital and eventually died there. Many people are choosing to die at home now as long as there are palliative or hospice services in place that would support the person at home. If you prefer this option, find out what’s available, and then talk with your family or your close friends if you don’t have family to make sure they are okay with your choices.

Do you want a burial or cremation?  This is a personal choice, often dictated by your religious beliefs. If you decide on cremation, you may want to just go out in a cardboard box without being dressed. It keeps the costs down quite a bit. If you plan on having your ashes spread in your favorite place, let your family know, but don’t tell the officials! The container for your ashes can be as simple as a box or a 5 gallon jar, as long as it has some way of being sealed.

Burial can be a very expensive proposition so prepare ahead of time and have everything arranged and paid for. You can do this for cremation too. It might be a good idea to make arrangements with a cross-country franchise, should you be one to move quite a bit and end up dying in another part of the country.

The funeral or Celebration of Life is better left up to the survivors.  People who have lived a long healthy life will often say “I don’t want a service or a celebration of life when I’m gone.”  The survivors may struggle with the idea of not being able to say their final goodbyes the way they want to. Set aside funds and leave the final decisions up to your family or friends.  That doesn’t mean you can’t prepare a few things for them like a letter to read or the eulogy you would like read.

Personally I hope my friends and family will have a great party with lots of music and wine when I check out, but it’s their decision!

8 Steps to Take the Pressure out of Dying

1.      Write a Will

2.   Divide the heirlooms.

3.      Write a Living Will.

4.      Become an organ donor.

5.      Put an Enduring Power of Attorney in place.

6.      Decide where you prefer to die.

7.      Determine cremation or burial.

8.      Leave the Funeral or Celebration of Life up to the survivors.

Whatever your wishes are, consider printing out this information and then sit down with family or friends to discuss it.